Burnout
How to stop overthinking: ask yourself “What can I tell myself that's new?”
“What if I get laid off?” “I should have answered him differently.” “What if she’s actually offended?” A thought arrives, you think it through, reach the same conclusion as yesterday, and ten minutes later it’s back. Rereading the same book, you won’t find a new chapter. Rewatching the same movie, you won’t see new actors. Replaying the same anxious thought almost never gives you a new answer, and one simple question helps you notice that.
The question goes like this: “What can I tell myself about this that’s new?” It’s a small technique from my practice. It doesn’t solve the problem you’re thinking about. It stops the running in circles and frees up energy for what can actually solve it.
Contents
The short answer: how the question works
How do you stop replaying thoughts in your head?
Notice that the thought is going in circles and put a check question to it: “What can I tell myself about this that’s new?” Everything you know is already in your head, and the fiftieth repetition won’t add any information. When the honest answer is “nothing,” it becomes clear that this isn’t reflection but running in place. From there, switch to doing something or get new information from outside.
The hardest part is noticing. Overthinking rarely feels like overthinking. From the inside, it looks like important work: it seems that a little more and you’ll figure out what’s right. That’s why the question is needed above all to catch the moment.
Why the brain keeps going over the same thing
One of the brain’s important jobs is to predict the future and prepare for it. How tomorrow will go at work, what you should have said in the argument, what happens if you get laid off, whether you’re loved. These are questions the brain considers important, and it tries to find answers to them.
The trouble is that many such questions have no answer right now. You can’t know whether your coworker was offended until you ask. You can’t know whether there will be layoffs until they’re announced. The brain runs through options, jumps from one to another, goes back to the first one, and spends energy on it. With burnout, you’re already low on energy, and overthinking also eats up time that could have gone to rest.
It isn’t a character flaw, and it isn’t “you just think too much.” Everyone goes over things repeatedly. The difference is whether it leads to a step or goes around in circles.
The question that stops the merry-go-round
When you notice you’re thinking about the same thing again, stop and ask yourself: “What new thing do I want to tell myself about this?”
Wait for the answer. Most often it sounds like this: “Nothing new. I’ve thought this a thousand times, and the situation hasn’t resolved at all. I’m just getting more tired and more anxious.” That’s the moment of truth. Then comes the next question: “So why am I replaying it?” And a switch to what you can do right now: the task in front of you, a conversation, a walk.
The question works because it doesn’t argue with the content of the anxiety. You don’t try to convince yourself that everything will be fine or prove that there won’t be layoffs. You look at the process itself and see that it isn’t producing anything new. That’s hard to argue with.
At first you’ll have to ask the question deliberately, many times a day. In my observation, over time it becomes a habit, and the replaying gets cut off earlier, before it really starts. But like any skill, it takes repetition.
Where to get genuinely new information
Sometimes the honest answer to the question is different: “I really am missing information.” That’s normal. But new information won’t come from another lap around your head. You have to get it from outside.
You can read up on how the process you’re afraid of actually works. You can ask the person you keep thinking about what they meant. You can talk to someone who has already been through a similar situation. You can try doing something you haven’t done before. All of this gives you food for thought, and some of it may actually bring you closer to a solution.
If the topic is important and big, work through it with a pen: what I know, what I don’t know, what the first step is. I write about how to turn an anxious thought into a plan in the article on writing your thoughts down.
What's known about overthinking
Repetitive negative thinking has been studied extensively. In a review by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema and colleagues, rumination is linked to a higher risk of depression, poorer problem solving, and anxiety. At the same time, the authors distinguish it from useful reflection, where a person thinks a situation through and reaches a conclusion.
Overthinking can change. In a meta-analysis of 36 randomized studies, psychological interventions on average moderately reduced rumination and, slightly less, worry about the future. According to a systematic review of 19 studies, cognitive behavioral approaches and mindfulness practices can reduce rumination and worry, both in person and online.
The question “What can I tell myself that’s new?” isn’t a separate scientific method; it’s a practical technique of mine. It hasn’t been studied on its own. It rests on the same principle as many tested approaches: notice the repeating thought, don’t get pulled into its content, and bring your attention back to action.
How to use the question
When you need a professional's help
See a psychologist if overthinking takes up hours of your day, interferes with sleep and work, and self-help techniques bring only brief relief. Persistent rumination often goes hand in hand with anxiety and low mood, and cognitive behavioral methods work well with it. If you have ongoing exhaustion, insomnia and low mood, it’s also worth seeing your family doctor: they will assess your condition and, if needed, discuss medication.
If the thoughts going around in circles are about death or harming yourself, don’t stay alone with them. Call 112 if you’re in immediate danger. To talk to someone, call the emotional support line at 116 123 (10:00–24:00). All contacts are collected on the emergency psychological care page.
Burnout test
Intrusive thoughts are one of the common symptoms of burnout, along with irritability, insomnia and fatigue. The test helps you see where the load is heaviest. It doesn’t give a diagnosis. Why the brain tends to get stuck on the bad stuff in the first place is explained on the page about negative thoughts, and the other first-aid techniques are on the burnout page.
Frequently asked questions
How is overthinking different from reflecting?
Reflection moves forward: new questions come up, options, a solution or at least a next step. Overthinking goes around in circles and leads to the same conclusion as last time, just with more anxiety.
What if the thought really is important?
Then all the more reason not to waste it on laps. Set aside time for it, sit down with a pen and work through it: what you know, what’s missing, what the first step is. An important topic deserves a plan, not a fiftieth repeat.
Why doesn't it help to just forbid yourself to think about it?
Forbidding a thought usually draws even more attention to it. The question “what’s new?” works differently: you’re not fighting the thought, you’re checking whether thinking about it gives you anything at all. Once you see that it doesn’t, letting go is easier.
